Still no new car. I don't want to talk about it.
In happier news, Thanksgiving was a smashing success. I made a turkey, bacon green beans, cheesy mashed potatoes and parsnips, spinach artichoke stuffing, cranberry-cherry-pomegranate sauce, pumpkin cheesecake with chocolate shortbread crust, and pumpkin pie with gingersnap crust. Everyone loved everything. Honestly! I was surprised with the everyone loving everything part. Even Ruby ate some turkey and touched one bite of potato-parsnip mash to her bottom lip. Success! My mom brought her famous black bean corn salsa and I made pumpkin pie spice kettle corn, 3 hummuses (?) (they were regular, avocado, and roasted red pepper), and Ruby cut out gingerbread cookies with my mom and Jilly which was adorable.
Then we (me, Jilly, our parents) saw Harry Potter. I loved it very much. However, after a mother-daughters squabble, I am needing your input on a confusing issue: the Invisibility Cloak. Please contact me as soon as possible because I am lost/without my own copies of Half-Blood Prince and The Deathly Hallows to check.
So those were ups, here are the downs.
In last week's football pool (at Ronnie's work, I am allowed to participate), I came in second place. After Thursday's games and half of today's, I am so far away from even having a shot at winning I just want to cry. Ronnie is in a 3-way tie for first though, oddly enough this is after he came in last place last week. Interesting.
Ruby is refusing to wear a diaper today, which is fine for number ones (she announces "I need to pee!" then runs to the bathroom to do so) but number twos, not so much. Usually she'll wait for a diaper to poop. Not today. About an hour ago, she decided to squat while standing in a chair and start pushing. So I picked her up sideways and ran her to the bathroom. I saw one poo fall. I sat her down, she peed, and decided to be done (there is no forcing/bribing/entertaining her to stay on the toilet once she's done). So we went to pick up the one poo and I discovered that my hasty transport helped her poo drop from her body. A poo trail across the living room.
I have had a sore throat for four days now, with sneezing and a little stuffiness.
At least I don't have to go to work tomorrow.
But that means I am making no money.
But Ronnie's work is extremely generous with quarterly AND holiday bonuses so we're totally fine.
But we have to go to the company holiday BOWLING party to collect the Christmas bonus.
I am not excited about this awkward bowling shit.
But I am friendly with several of Ronnie's work friends AND their girlfriends.
Still. Awk.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Whoa
Everything is shattering around us like entire fucking mountains crashing into the ocean in an earthquake. Car totaled, surprise influx of cash immediately used on necessary practical things and not Yo Gabba Gabba Live tickets, Ruby trying to convince us that she doesn't need naps anymore (probably the worst thing right now, oddly), someone in charge of a very important aspect of my life going batshit insane and I simply cannot handle the crazy anymore but unfortunately I need what they give me so I'm stuck until I find something better which might never happen.
Things really suck but my family is Pretty Awesome so we're okay. Also, Ruby was a trick-or-treating champ so we have lots of candy which helps. It also helps knowing that I'm not intentionally sabotaging myself and making tons of bad stupid choices, it's just that all this weird shit is piling up like a stack of delicious pancakes only none of it is delicious. Can't cover a smashed car in butter and maple syrup then move on with life. I know, because I tried. Of course I didn't. But can't you totally see me doing that? Me too! Maybe that's my problem.
Things really suck but my family is Pretty Awesome so we're okay. Also, Ruby was a trick-or-treating champ so we have lots of candy which helps. It also helps knowing that I'm not intentionally sabotaging myself and making tons of bad stupid choices, it's just that all this weird shit is piling up like a stack of delicious pancakes only none of it is delicious. Can't cover a smashed car in butter and maple syrup then move on with life. I know, because I tried. Of course I didn't. But can't you totally see me doing that? Me too! Maybe that's my problem.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Honk
It occurred to me the other day that I know of several other blogs whose authors update maybe once or twice a month, and they seem successful and pleased with their blogginess. Then I realized, I too can have that. So over a month after my previous entry here, I present two stories for your pleasure:
1. Last night, I was driving home from work and nearly ended several lives.
Many of you know where I live, many of you do not. To keep things fair, I'll say that I live in an outdoorsy city. There are many parks and rivers sprinkled throughout the urban area. My commute home takes me right past a popular park located on a large river.
So I'm driving along, Ruby is yelling about the moon or something from her carseat, and HOLY SHIT DUCKS. This stupid ass duck walks right out onto this busy ass street like it wanted to die. I will do anything to help anyone out, you know this, but killing a precious duck? Cannot. AND THEN another stupid ass duck flaps its stupid face right onto the street behind stupid ass duck #1. #2 was a little smarter and flapped immediately back onto the sidewalk. #1 I was pretty sure I murdered but it was fucking rush hour with typical My Town drivers whizzing past at speeds clearly exceeding the posted speed limit by at least 10 mph, angrily honking and neglecting their blinkers because how dare I obey traffic laws?!
Anyway I thought I killed the duck but couldn't exactly assess the situation in my then-current state. I continued driving but turned around when I could, worried that I would have to call animal control saying I hit a fucking duck with my car but you know it wasn't my fault, ducks are dumb, and then I worried about Ruby seeing the dead duck and of course she would tell everyone Mama duck die or something.
By the time I returned to the scene, all the ducks had somehow safely crossed the street. Most of them were remaining true to their asshole roots, practically walking on the curb up the sidewalk, but I didn't see any flattened ducks on the street or the front of the car when I got home. But what the fuck were they doing moving around at nearly 7 pm? They couldn't stay put for one more night before fucking off for South America or wherever?
Lesson: obvious. Humans > animals, even if animals in question are smart enough to migrate.
2. To continue the previous story's theme of People Here Don't Know How to Drive, I would like to inform you that over the past two weeks, 4 other drivers have honked their horns at me. We all know I love to exaggerate, especially if it makes my story funnier, but I am dead serious when I tell you that I was doing the right, lawful thing in each honking instance.
It seems that many people just don't understand the rules of the road. I don't mean my rules. We all have the same rules, as defined by the DMV or whoever and offenses against said rules are punishable by law and/or road rage. You turn 16, you take the test, you pass, you get a license, and that's it. Your idiocy and extreme self-centeredness are unleashed upon the innocent. Ridiculous.
Today's incident is a little complicated to explain but I am feeling crazily compelled to get it out into the internet...many of My Town's downtown streets are on crack and meet up at one-ways, two lanes turning onto four lanes, bullshit. Add this nonsense to the lack of driving skills prevalent in the citizens and you get I Hate Driving Here. Clear signs indicating rules and right of way are all over the fucking place and people still can't figure shit out. I was on a two lane, one way street facing a four lane, oppositely one way street. I had a green light and was turning onto a four lane, one way street onto the lane closest to me which was the correct thing to do. I knew that the lanes facing me had to yield to me but they apparently had a green light too but they should have waited for me because it's the fucking law.
Well. Some dickwad chose to try to turn into my lane (the FURTHEST from where they originated) and when they realized I was there, they decided to honk like a motherfucker. Characteristically and in practice. How rude, right? They did the wrong thing, and got mad at me for doing the right thing.
Lesson: pretty obvious. People are dumb, and I can safely not classify myself as such. I do dumb things, we all do, but damn it. Too many honkings in too small a timeframe. And nobody in this current election is purporting a safe-driving platform! Shameful! Because driving safely definitely trumps taxes, education, health care reform, and constitutional rights.
You know I'm kidding, right? Seriously though, hate bad drivers with their honking.
1. Last night, I was driving home from work and nearly ended several lives.
Many of you know where I live, many of you do not. To keep things fair, I'll say that I live in an outdoorsy city. There are many parks and rivers sprinkled throughout the urban area. My commute home takes me right past a popular park located on a large river.
So I'm driving along, Ruby is yelling about the moon or something from her carseat, and HOLY SHIT DUCKS. This stupid ass duck walks right out onto this busy ass street like it wanted to die. I will do anything to help anyone out, you know this, but killing a precious duck? Cannot. AND THEN another stupid ass duck flaps its stupid face right onto the street behind stupid ass duck #1. #2 was a little smarter and flapped immediately back onto the sidewalk. #1 I was pretty sure I murdered but it was fucking rush hour with typical My Town drivers whizzing past at speeds clearly exceeding the posted speed limit by at least 10 mph, angrily honking and neglecting their blinkers because how dare I obey traffic laws?!
Anyway I thought I killed the duck but couldn't exactly assess the situation in my then-current state. I continued driving but turned around when I could, worried that I would have to call animal control saying I hit a fucking duck with my car but you know it wasn't my fault, ducks are dumb, and then I worried about Ruby seeing the dead duck and of course she would tell everyone Mama duck die or something.
By the time I returned to the scene, all the ducks had somehow safely crossed the street. Most of them were remaining true to their asshole roots, practically walking on the curb up the sidewalk, but I didn't see any flattened ducks on the street or the front of the car when I got home. But what the fuck were they doing moving around at nearly 7 pm? They couldn't stay put for one more night before fucking off for South America or wherever?
Lesson: obvious. Humans > animals, even if animals in question are smart enough to migrate.
2. To continue the previous story's theme of People Here Don't Know How to Drive, I would like to inform you that over the past two weeks, 4 other drivers have honked their horns at me. We all know I love to exaggerate, especially if it makes my story funnier, but I am dead serious when I tell you that I was doing the right, lawful thing in each honking instance.
It seems that many people just don't understand the rules of the road. I don't mean my rules. We all have the same rules, as defined by the DMV or whoever and offenses against said rules are punishable by law and/or road rage. You turn 16, you take the test, you pass, you get a license, and that's it. Your idiocy and extreme self-centeredness are unleashed upon the innocent. Ridiculous.
Today's incident is a little complicated to explain but I am feeling crazily compelled to get it out into the internet...many of My Town's downtown streets are on crack and meet up at one-ways, two lanes turning onto four lanes, bullshit. Add this nonsense to the lack of driving skills prevalent in the citizens and you get I Hate Driving Here. Clear signs indicating rules and right of way are all over the fucking place and people still can't figure shit out. I was on a two lane, one way street facing a four lane, oppositely one way street. I had a green light and was turning onto a four lane, one way street onto the lane closest to me which was the correct thing to do. I knew that the lanes facing me had to yield to me but they apparently had a green light too but they should have waited for me because it's the fucking law.
Well. Some dickwad chose to try to turn into my lane (the FURTHEST from where they originated) and when they realized I was there, they decided to honk like a motherfucker. Characteristically and in practice. How rude, right? They did the wrong thing, and got mad at me for doing the right thing.
Lesson: pretty obvious. People are dumb, and I can safely not classify myself as such. I do dumb things, we all do, but damn it. Too many honkings in too small a timeframe. And nobody in this current election is purporting a safe-driving platform! Shameful! Because driving safely definitely trumps taxes, education, health care reform, and constitutional rights.
You know I'm kidding, right? Seriously though, hate bad drivers with their honking.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Barf
Ronnie and I are talking about another baby. Our initial plan was to wait until Ruby turns 3, then commence baby-making so as to produce baby #2 a few months before Ruby turns 4. Seems like perfect spacing to me, Ruby will be old enough to understand what's going on and maybe even be excited, old enough to help me with things, old enough to go with Ronnie on adventures just the two of them so I can take naps with the new baby, shit like that.
Well, as many of you may know, Ronnie doesn't quite comprehend the idea of "planning." Or I should just say he's a Gemini and changes his mind more often than he changes his underwear (which occurs on a quite regular frequency). So he's pressing for another baby now. I want one too, but I want to wait, but why bother waiting...
I'll tell you why I should bother waiting. MORNING SICKNESS.
I went out earlier today, did a little shopping with Ruby. "Go-shee sto," she says. I was in the market for some air fresheners, as poor Jack and Sally are now inside-only cats and I think are punishing me with their poops. Saving them all for nighttime. So when we wake up in the morning, I have to spend about two hours (approximately) (approximately exaggerated) scooping and replacing litter and hating life in general. Because it is my job, because I am The Mama, because Ronnie only does it when I'm pregnant. Anyway I needed a new canister for our AirWick Freshmatic sprayer thing (no those jerkoffs are not paying me for this business). It's been awhile since I've needed one of those, and I was pleased to see new scents I had never seen/smelled before. Usually I would go with the Fresh Air scent but what the hell, right? I decided to embark upon a scentstravaganza with my smelling companion, Ruby. I smelled the Lavender & Chamomile, nice. I rejected the Apple & Spice or whatever. I liked the Cool Linen & White Lilac (it eventually came home with us) but oh what is this? Cherry Berry Blossom? Sounds right up my alley EW OH GOD NO.
I had a flashback. One second I was standing in the cleaning product aisle of Wal-Mart, the next second I was standing in the very first apartment I shared with Ronnie. Actually, I was kneeling. In the bathroom. I was pregnant and sick all damn day.
All it took was that one sniff and no thank you (yet), second baby.
I mean, sure, there is the chance that I will not be similarly sick with the second baby, whenever that happens, but yuck. Just thinking about the possibility of the sickness makes me nervous. And it's all AirWick's fault.
Well, as many of you may know, Ronnie doesn't quite comprehend the idea of "planning." Or I should just say he's a Gemini and changes his mind more often than he changes his underwear (which occurs on a quite regular frequency). So he's pressing for another baby now. I want one too, but I want to wait, but why bother waiting...
I'll tell you why I should bother waiting. MORNING SICKNESS.
I went out earlier today, did a little shopping with Ruby. "Go-shee sto," she says. I was in the market for some air fresheners, as poor Jack and Sally are now inside-only cats and I think are punishing me with their poops. Saving them all for nighttime. So when we wake up in the morning, I have to spend about two hours (approximately) (approximately exaggerated) scooping and replacing litter and hating life in general. Because it is my job, because I am The Mama, because Ronnie only does it when I'm pregnant. Anyway I needed a new canister for our AirWick Freshmatic sprayer thing (no those jerkoffs are not paying me for this business). It's been awhile since I've needed one of those, and I was pleased to see new scents I had never seen/smelled before. Usually I would go with the Fresh Air scent but what the hell, right? I decided to embark upon a scentstravaganza with my smelling companion, Ruby. I smelled the Lavender & Chamomile, nice. I rejected the Apple & Spice or whatever. I liked the Cool Linen & White Lilac (it eventually came home with us) but oh what is this? Cherry Berry Blossom? Sounds right up my alley EW OH GOD NO.
I had a flashback. One second I was standing in the cleaning product aisle of Wal-Mart, the next second I was standing in the very first apartment I shared with Ronnie. Actually, I was kneeling. In the bathroom. I was pregnant and sick all damn day.
All it took was that one sniff and no thank you (yet), second baby.
I mean, sure, there is the chance that I will not be similarly sick with the second baby, whenever that happens, but yuck. Just thinking about the possibility of the sickness makes me nervous. And it's all AirWick's fault.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Guilt
It has come to my attention that I STILL HAVE A BLOG. Here are the things that have been keeping me from you, my sweet stalkers.
- life in general. Since my last blog entry (Holy Matrimony, was it really nearly two months ago?), we have:
- moved
- wished we hadn't moved
- been so glad we moved
- started potty-training Ruby
- fought endlessly over whether I should find a new job (spoiler: nobody wins any fights around here, especially in a damn recession, also especially when we should just be grateful for the existing job, I mean come on, what is our problem?)
- conducted an exhaustive search of the retail locations in the area, looking for rainboots for Ruby (I bought some at Ross and she loves them but the Internet is failing me with a picture, and since someone dropped our camera at the beach and it broke and someone decided to cancel our cellphones and therefore picture/text messaging, I have no way to show you the damn boots)
- developed a crippling addiction to Spider Solitaire
- cried ourselves to sleep at night approximately three times concerning the state of the New York Jets football team
- okay maybe that isn't totally true but pretty close.
So. A lot has gone on and a lot is continuing. Also, a lot of great shows are returning with new episodes (House tonight, Glee tomorrow, Dexter on Sunday) which further reduces free time for things like blogging I AM SO SORRY. I feel like an insufficient version of myself, not being able to take pictures...next month we're getting a new camera so please, share in my relief. And look forward to more, better blog posts.
I miss this. Apparently many of you believe that I am funny and you enjoy reading my funny posts on Facebook. I really do want to get back to regular blogging. Totally possible AND plausible. Unlike getting Ronnie to put his dirty clothes INSIDE the laundry basket rather than heaping everything on the floor against the basket. For your information, he has not responded well to my teaching technique involving ignoring any dirty clothes that are not actually inside the laundry baskets.
- life in general. Since my last blog entry (Holy Matrimony, was it really nearly two months ago?), we have:
- moved
- wished we hadn't moved
- been so glad we moved
- started potty-training Ruby
- fought endlessly over whether I should find a new job (spoiler: nobody wins any fights around here, especially in a damn recession, also especially when we should just be grateful for the existing job, I mean come on, what is our problem?)
- conducted an exhaustive search of the retail locations in the area, looking for rainboots for Ruby (I bought some at Ross and she loves them but the Internet is failing me with a picture, and since someone dropped our camera at the beach and it broke and someone decided to cancel our cellphones and therefore picture/text messaging, I have no way to show you the damn boots)
- developed a crippling addiction to Spider Solitaire
- cried ourselves to sleep at night approximately three times concerning the state of the New York Jets football team
- okay maybe that isn't totally true but pretty close.
So. A lot has gone on and a lot is continuing. Also, a lot of great shows are returning with new episodes (House tonight, Glee tomorrow, Dexter on Sunday) which further reduces free time for things like blogging I AM SO SORRY. I feel like an insufficient version of myself, not being able to take pictures...next month we're getting a new camera so please, share in my relief. And look forward to more, better blog posts.
I miss this. Apparently many of you believe that I am funny and you enjoy reading my funny posts on Facebook. I really do want to get back to regular blogging. Totally possible AND plausible. Unlike getting Ronnie to put his dirty clothes INSIDE the laundry basket rather than heaping everything on the floor against the basket. For your information, he has not responded well to my teaching technique involving ignoring any dirty clothes that are not actually inside the laundry baskets.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Party On
We went to the beach on Friday. I'd love to show you the pictures, but Someone (guess who?) dropped the camera in the sand so now it's not exactly functioning properly. I have that compressed air spray that I can try to use to get all the sand out of the inner workings but I'm scared. It turns on for a second, tries to focus, then turns itself off. So maybe I'll try to find the warranty information, then try to fix it. I can get the memory card out, which is good, but the camera might need to be replaced, which is bad.
The bigger, better news is that we have a location and date for Ruby's birthday party. It'll be on Saturday, August 21. We're thinking later-afternoon, probably 4. The party will have no theme because well, no thank you, waste of money, but the favor bags will be dress-up themed and I am now accepting ideas. Ruby has been really into playing with hats and glasses and these bunny ears I have so there you go, theme. I have some pretty funny and cute ideas but keep getting stuck at "pirate" or "princess" or "animal." I looked at the Oriental Trading website but most of their crap is cheap plastic made in China crap (my least favorite kind of crap) which is uninspiring. I really don't want to buy a bunch of generic primary-colored shit that's just going to break then get thrown away because it's unremarkable basic party favor stupidness. We are Klemples and we are Awesome and this is something we need to share with the world, namely, birthday party guests, using these party favors as our Awesomeness Awareness Methods.
Also I keep ending up looking at maracas and harmonicas and train whistles because I'm an asshole. But Ruby LOVES things like that and it's her birthday and her party and they're fun so why not? Right? Oh, right, I'm the asshole who wants their kids to annoy their parents with the party favor harmonica all day, all night for the next three days until the parents (who are my actual friends and family and I should probably be nice and do everything I can to ensure they'll come to the next birthday party) toss that party favor harmonica in the trash while cursing my "Awesomeness."
Probably next weekend I'll take Ruby around to Party City and Michael's and places where you can buy Awesome party favors for more ideas. My best idea so far is not even an original one, which is not Awesome but the idea is SO AWESOME I can't resist. Antonia is hilarious (generally as well as in this particular illustration of hilarity) and made moustaches for her daughter's 4th birthday party favors. So funny and inspiring and can you imagine Ruby running around with a little furry moustache? Done!
I know I'm going to end up getting those damn harmonicas though. I just...Ruby loves them! I'm an asshole! But please, share any ideas you have. And please hope for the best concerning my camera situation. And the next time I go to the beach, remind me to not let anyone else hold the camera because remember last time? HE PUT IT IN HIS SHIRT POCKET AND THEN JUMPED BEHIND A SAND DUNE. And then we couldn't find it for a few heart-stopping minutes, wherein I calculated the costs of a new camera versus our bank account balance and incoming funds and upcoming bills and I am never going to the beach again just to avoid that panic. Just kidding. I'll go. I just won't take any pictures ever again. Just kidding. I will. I just...uh...will always be responsible for the camera's safety. Right. Okay. Great.
The bigger, better news is that we have a location and date for Ruby's birthday party. It'll be on Saturday, August 21. We're thinking later-afternoon, probably 4. The party will have no theme because well, no thank you, waste of money, but the favor bags will be dress-up themed and I am now accepting ideas. Ruby has been really into playing with hats and glasses and these bunny ears I have so there you go, theme. I have some pretty funny and cute ideas but keep getting stuck at "pirate" or "princess" or "animal." I looked at the Oriental Trading website but most of their crap is cheap plastic made in China crap (my least favorite kind of crap) which is uninspiring. I really don't want to buy a bunch of generic primary-colored shit that's just going to break then get thrown away because it's unremarkable basic party favor stupidness. We are Klemples and we are Awesome and this is something we need to share with the world, namely, birthday party guests, using these party favors as our Awesomeness Awareness Methods.
Also I keep ending up looking at maracas and harmonicas and train whistles because I'm an asshole. But Ruby LOVES things like that and it's her birthday and her party and they're fun so why not? Right? Oh, right, I'm the asshole who wants their kids to annoy their parents with the party favor harmonica all day, all night for the next three days until the parents (who are my actual friends and family and I should probably be nice and do everything I can to ensure they'll come to the next birthday party) toss that party favor harmonica in the trash while cursing my "Awesomeness."
Probably next weekend I'll take Ruby around to Party City and Michael's and places where you can buy Awesome party favors for more ideas. My best idea so far is not even an original one, which is not Awesome but the idea is SO AWESOME I can't resist. Antonia is hilarious (generally as well as in this particular illustration of hilarity) and made moustaches for her daughter's 4th birthday party favors. So funny and inspiring and can you imagine Ruby running around with a little furry moustache? Done!
I know I'm going to end up getting those damn harmonicas though. I just...Ruby loves them! I'm an asshole! But please, share any ideas you have. And please hope for the best concerning my camera situation. And the next time I go to the beach, remind me to not let anyone else hold the camera because remember last time? HE PUT IT IN HIS SHIRT POCKET AND THEN JUMPED BEHIND A SAND DUNE. And then we couldn't find it for a few heart-stopping minutes, wherein I calculated the costs of a new camera versus our bank account balance and incoming funds and upcoming bills and I am never going to the beach again just to avoid that panic. Just kidding. I'll go. I just won't take any pictures ever again. Just kidding. I will. I just...uh...will always be responsible for the camera's safety. Right. Okay. Great.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Good thing she's cute...
...or else I would totally sell her to the gypsies.But knowing her, she'd probably enjoy the gypsy life. Until they tried to get her to wear a headband.
No nap today. It is very hot outside and there are not enough popsicles/Slurpees/ice cubes/cold fizzy drinks in the world to make the 90 degrees worth bearing (although she has been enjoying pink grapefruit Perrier. You know I could not make that up). I believe she is also teething. Add that to multiple personality disorder I MEAN being almost two years old and very much mine/Ronnie's daughter, and you get WE ARE NOT HAVING A GOOD DAY.
Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches help though. And a little (a lot) extra Nick Jr., especially Wow Wow Wubbzy but I had to purge the deepest abyss of my patience to distract her long enough to turn the tv off once Go Diego Go came on (that guy pisses me off...always with the yelling so loud...the audience is kids, not fossilized old fogies armed with ear trumpets). AND THEN we actually went outside (which sucked) then came in and played Play-Doh. I kept making these cool star things with holes in them and ripply edges and of course my little sidekick thought it best that she destroy them. Doing me a favor, she was; the world can't handle my awesome Play-Doh skills.
This was just about a year ago. I KNOW, RIGHT?! Who IS that?!
We also terrorized Jack. But really, he brings it on himself, he's always laying around right where we're walking. Or laying around right where we're wanting to sit. Or in general laying around all up in our business. So I only half-heartedly enforce the "no tail-pulling" rule. Because it seems that any tail-pulling is only sort of bothering him. Sort of.
Cat? What cat? Throw pillow.
We had a few good reasons to get out of the house and into the air-conditioned car so duh. We did that. Ruby fell asleep approximately one minute after getting buckled into her carseat, which was nice. After we got home and she had a classic cringeworthy Toddler Dinner (tofu cubes, 6-7 spoonfuls of blueberry yogurt, veggie booty, grape juice...before you yell at me about her specialized spoiled only-kid treatment, know that we have Family Dinner every weekend night and some weeknights if Ronnie is awake), Ruby COUNTED TO EIGHT ALL BY HERSELF. Lately she's been really into small, previously forbidden items such as marbles. This morning, I restrung four bracelets made from big plastic beads into a necklace for her, but a few of the beads refused (holes too small) so Ruby confiscated them. We have four colors of beads so I had a pattern going on the necklace and could. not. disrupt. the. pattern. (OCD much?) so she was permitted to adopt a collection of eight beads. After dinner tonight, she was playing with them all over the living room and ended up counting them out in my hands. I thought she only knew to count up to 4. And she kept counting out the 8 beads like, no big deal, been doing this since forever.
This is what she likes to call "Two Binkies! Two! Binkies! Two! HAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Terrible day turned out all right. OH AND she wore a headband for nearly an hour this morning! I stealthily slipped it on her little head right after she woke up. But then we had to change her clothes, and of course she noticed there was something foreign and unknown touching her head, and of course she was pissed that I dared sneak something so offensively vile past her otherwise unadmissable watch. So still no headband pictures. I might try a frozen Go-Gurt bribe to get a picture tomorrow. It's the new natural Go-Gurt. I am not ashamed.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Well, I did it.
Introducing the newest incarnation of From Beers to Babies: Beers, Babies, Brainstorms. Less bitching, more baking. And basting. And bias tape. And other B words. Actually, no more B words, because I practically killed myself trying to think of the best B word to describe what I'm bringing here from my other two blogs and all the new things I'll be adding. 
I considered: butter, boogers, blueprints, and other B words that were not interesting or funny enough to mention. I really did practically kill myself trying to think of another B word though. I even consulted thesaurus.com! It was of no help, so if you ever find yourself in a similar situation to mine, I would NOT recommend it based on alliteration purposes. Someone needs to invent a cross between thesaurus.com and alliteration.com, if alliteration.com exists for its seeming purpose (note: it does exist, but not for what you'd think) (or, at least, not what I thought it would).
You may have noticed that I am now Capitalizing. Shocking, I know. For a lazy ass like me, this is a huge step and I expect mighty praise, monetary rewards, and lots of smiley face stickers or yummy chocolate treats.
As I mentioned on From Beers to Babies earlier today, I will be using this website for more crafting/baking/photo pursuits. That shit will start tomorrow. Maybe.
I made some headbands for Ruby today (but of course, she hates them so I haven't gotten any pictures yet) and yesterday I baked some cherry muffins (but of course, really no one in our house except me likes them so I don't feel like it makes any sense to talk further about them) and a few days ago I made some Rice Krispie/Whole Grain Cheerio treats with half regular, half strawberry marshmallows (but of course, they're GONE so sorry, no picture, just try to imagine me and occasionally Ruby eating a giant handful of them with pure delight emanating from every pore on our bodies).
Let's see, how else am I kicking domestic ass...I made eggplant parmesan for the first time last night! And it was SO GOOD! If you are thinking of doing the same, please let me recommend that you NOT use Panko breadcrumbs. It just doesn't work out as well as regular breadcrumbs probably would. I got my recipe from my trusty Betty Crocker cookbook but it's a pretty standard dish (right? or is this another time when I think that everyone else knows the awesome shit that I know?) so I'm sure whatever recipe you have or find will be great.
Okay I think that's enough for now. I'll try to not out-housewife you until my next post, but I can't promise anything. The pile of dirty dishes in my kitchen says otherwise. I think it's Ronnie's turn for dishes anyway.
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