Party On

We went to the beach on Friday. I'd love to show you the pictures, but Someone (guess who?) dropped the camera in the sand so now it's not exactly functioning properly. I have that compressed air spray that I can try to use to get all the sand out of the inner workings but I'm scared. It turns on for a second, tries to focus, then turns itself off. So maybe I'll try to find the warranty information, then try to fix it. I can get the memory card out, which is good, but the camera might need to be replaced, which is bad.

The bigger, better news is that we have a location and date for Ruby's birthday party. It'll be on Saturday, August 21. We're thinking later-afternoon, probably 4. The party will have no theme because well, no thank you, waste of money, but the favor bags will be dress-up themed and I am now accepting ideas. Ruby has been really into playing with hats and glasses and these bunny ears I have so there you go, theme. I have some pretty funny and cute ideas but keep getting stuck at "pirate" or "princess" or "animal." I looked at the Oriental Trading website but most of their crap is cheap plastic made in China crap (my least favorite kind of crap) which is uninspiring. I really don't want to buy a bunch of generic primary-colored shit that's just going to break then get thrown away because it's unremarkable basic party favor stupidness. We are Klemples and we are Awesome and this is something we need to share with the world, namely, birthday party guests, using these party favors as our Awesomeness Awareness Methods.

Also I keep ending up looking at maracas and harmonicas and train whistles because I'm an asshole. But Ruby LOVES things like that and it's her birthday and her party and they're fun so why not? Right? Oh, right, I'm the asshole who wants their kids to annoy their parents with the party favor harmonica all day, all night for the next three days until the parents (who are my actual friends and family and I should probably be nice and do everything I can to ensure they'll come to the next birthday party) toss that party favor harmonica in the trash while cursing my "Awesomeness."

Probably next weekend I'll take Ruby around to Party City and Michael's and places where you can buy Awesome party favors for more ideas. My best idea so far is not even an original one, which is not Awesome but the idea is SO AWESOME I can't resist. Antonia is hilarious (generally as well as in this particular illustration of hilarity) and made moustaches for her daughter's 4th birthday party favors. So funny and inspiring and can you imagine Ruby running around with a little furry moustache? Done!

I know I'm going to end up getting those damn harmonicas though. I just...Ruby loves them! I'm an asshole! But please, share any ideas you have. And please hope for the best concerning my camera situation. And the next time I go to the beach, remind me to not let anyone else hold the camera because remember last time? HE PUT IT IN HIS SHIRT POCKET AND THEN JUMPED BEHIND A SAND DUNE. And then we couldn't find it for a few heart-stopping minutes, wherein I calculated the costs of a new camera versus our bank account balance and incoming funds and upcoming bills and I am never going to the beach again just to avoid that panic. Just kidding. I'll go. I just won't take any pictures ever again. Just kidding. I will. I just...uh...will always be responsible for the camera's safety. Right. Okay. Great.

Good thing she's cute...

...or else I would totally sell her to the gypsies.

But knowing her, she'd probably enjoy the gypsy life. Until they tried to get her to wear a headband.

No nap today. It is very hot outside and there are not enough popsicles/Slurpees/ice cubes/cold fizzy drinks in the world to make the 90 degrees worth bearing (although she has been enjoying pink grapefruit Perrier. You know I could not make that up). I believe she is also teething. Add that to multiple personality disorder I MEAN being almost two years old and very much mine/Ronnie's daughter, and you get WE ARE NOT HAVING A GOOD DAY.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches help though. And a little (a lot) extra Nick Jr., especially Wow Wow Wubbzy but I had to purge the deepest abyss of my patience to distract her long enough to turn the tv off once Go Diego Go came on (that guy pisses me off...always with the yelling so loud...the audience is kids, not fossilized old fogies armed with ear trumpets). AND THEN we actually went outside (which sucked) then came in and played Play-Doh. I kept making these cool star things with holes in them and ripply edges and of course my little sidekick thought it best that she destroy them. Doing me a favor, she was; the world can't handle my awesome Play-Doh skills.

This was just about a year ago. I KNOW, RIGHT?! Who IS that?!

We also terrorized Jack. But really, he brings it on himself, he's always laying around right where we're walking. Or laying around right where we're wanting to sit. Or in general laying around all up in our business. So I only half-heartedly enforce the "no tail-pulling" rule. Because it seems that any tail-pulling is only sort of bothering him. Sort of.

Cat? What cat? Throw pillow.

We had a few good reasons to get out of the house and into the air-conditioned car so duh. We did that. Ruby fell asleep approximately one minute after getting buckled into her carseat, which was nice. After we got home and she had a classic cringeworthy Toddler Dinner (tofu cubes, 6-7 spoonfuls of blueberry yogurt, veggie booty, grape juice...before you yell at me about her specialized spoiled only-kid treatment, know that we have Family Dinner every weekend night and some weeknights if Ronnie is awake), Ruby COUNTED TO EIGHT ALL BY HERSELF. Lately she's been really into small, previously forbidden items such as marbles. This morning, I restrung four bracelets made from big plastic beads into a necklace for her, but a few of the beads refused (holes too small) so Ruby confiscated them. We have four colors of beads so I had a pattern going on the necklace and could. not. disrupt. the. pattern. (OCD much?) so she was permitted to adopt a collection of eight beads. After dinner tonight, she was playing with them all over the living room and ended up counting them out in my hands. I thought she only knew to count up to 4. And she kept counting out the 8 beads like, no big deal, been doing this since forever.

This is what she likes to call "Two Binkies! Two! Binkies! Two! HAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Terrible day turned out all right. OH AND she wore a headband for nearly an hour this morning! I stealthily slipped it on her little head right after she woke up. But then we had to change her clothes, and of course she noticed there was something foreign and unknown touching her head, and of course she was pissed that I dared sneak something so offensively vile past her otherwise unadmissable watch. So still no headband pictures. I might try a frozen Go-Gurt bribe to get a picture tomorrow. It's the new natural Go-Gurt. I am not ashamed.

Well, I did it.

Introducing the newest incarnation of From Beers to Babies: Beers, Babies, Brainstorms. Less bitching, more baking. And basting. And bias tape. And other B words. Actually, no more B words, because I practically killed myself trying to think of the best B word to describe what I'm bringing here from my other two blogs and all the new things I'll be adding.

I considered: butter, boogers, blueprints, and other B words that were not interesting or funny enough to mention. I really did practically kill myself trying to think of another B word though. I even consulted thesaurus.com! It was of no help, so if you ever find yourself in a similar situation to mine, I would NOT recommend it based on alliteration purposes. Someone needs to invent a cross between thesaurus.com and alliteration.com, if alliteration.com exists for its seeming purpose (note: it does exist, but not for what you'd think) (or, at least, not what I thought it would).

You may have noticed that I am now Capitalizing. Shocking, I know. For a lazy ass like me, this is a huge step and I expect mighty praise, monetary rewards, and lots of smiley face stickers or yummy chocolate treats.

As I mentioned on From Beers to Babies earlier today, I will be using this website for more crafting/baking/photo pursuits. That shit will start tomorrow. Maybe.

I made some headbands for Ruby today (but of course, she hates them so I haven't gotten any pictures yet) and yesterday I baked some cherry muffins (but of course, really no one in our house except me likes them so I don't feel like it makes any sense to talk further about them) and a few days ago I made some Rice Krispie/Whole Grain Cheerio treats with half regular, half strawberry marshmallows (but of course, they're GONE so sorry, no picture, just try to imagine me and occasionally Ruby eating a giant handful of them with pure delight emanating from every pore on our bodies).

Let's see, how else am I kicking domestic ass...I made eggplant parmesan for the first time last night! And it was SO GOOD! If you are thinking of doing the same, please let me recommend that you NOT use Panko breadcrumbs. It just doesn't work out as well as regular breadcrumbs probably would. I got my recipe from my trusty Betty Crocker cookbook but it's a pretty standard dish (right? or is this another time when I think that everyone else knows the awesome shit that I know?) so I'm sure whatever recipe you have or find will be great.

Okay I think that's enough for now. I'll try to not out-housewife you until my next post, but I can't promise anything. The pile of dirty dishes in my kitchen says otherwise. I think it's Ronnie's turn for dishes anyway.