Trying this hat on again

This blog used to be such a part of me. I don't know why or how I started using Facebook as my blog. I'm coming back here. For Bri. And me. And you. But not all of you.

Some of you don't understand, won't understand, shouldn't understand. I'm imagining you sitting wherever you sit, reading this and thinking, 'wow, I missed Denese's amusing spot-on observations that I could have cobbled together on my own but she just gets me because she's special and we love each other.' Or maybe you're thinking 'god why can't this bitch shut up already, not funny at all.' I have been doing it wrong for awhile so here I am trying to make it right.

Everyone uses Facebook for different things such as not much actually, super awesome funny stuff, pictures of themselves and nothing else, fucking disgusting bigotry, or mean stupidity. You've all seen the incendiary shit I put on there because yeah, I think I'm right about everything but I would never say that to your face. I'm trying to help you! Breastfeed your babies! Realize the racism around you! Maybe you can't change it! Even if you try! But knowing about it is the first step! In my white college educated middle class privileged world anyway! Know more about the rate of embassy attacks during Bush's and Obama's presidencies! Replace your carpets with hardwood or tile floors because INFECTIOUS GERMS! The truth will set you free! And I'm going to take ALL the credit for your newfound knowledge! Properly crediting my source of course but that is MY source and not yours. Get your own. But you can only get it from me.

I don't know how often I'll be able to continue inspiring you all, especially since Sebastian is doing this thing where he wakes up between 1 & 2 a.m. then won't go back to sleep for about 2 hours. I should be napping with him now. I'm insane. He's insane. Who does that. Yells at me because he's tired. Falls asleep for a split second then starts yelling again. OR or he thinks putting his fingers up my nose is SUPER awesome good idea in the middle of the night. Just, you know, plug that hole because duh. THEN he tries to put that same finger in my mouth. THEN he gets mad because I do not allow that. And I personally sacrifice a lot in the name of peace but that is one battle he is going to continue to lose. I'm so glad you're with me on that. Thanks for the support.

Also Ruby is like TALK TALK TALK NOISE NOISE NOISE ANNOYING ANNOYING ANNOYING MESS MESS MESS CRY CRY CRY TALK TALK TALK and there is not enough coffee in this world. Or maybe I should funnel her spirit into baristry. Baristism? Baristocracy? I want my daughter to learn how to operate the coffeemaker is what I'm saying.

And then my darling husband wants to buy me a house. Which is nice but you guys. Houses can be so dumb. And expensive. And moldy. But we're doing it and we're doing it together and I'm going to paint all the walls different shades of gray but he'll probably think they're actually shades of blue and then we'll get into heated discussions like "this is green" "no this is blue" "no not blue, green" "are you insane" "yes, completely" "cool me too" "that's cool but this is green" 'I don't even know who you are anymore" and it's going to be so good. 

What would you of my upcoming-10-year-reunion-classmates do if I said "okay we could go to Geno's for this much, Fultano's for this much, or Supper Club for this much, these are the things included, and if you don't vote then give me your share of the cost by the end of the week, you're uninvited?" Because I'm starting to feel that kind of bratty dictatorship. Really trying hard to balance everything (in my entire life), be fair to everyone, give everyone time to consider and say what you think, I mean how many times have I said "I'll do it but you have to tell me to do it" and you're all "..." but nice time is almost over. I think not-nice me is what you all want anyway? Possibly? Because we all must remember where we came from? History repeats itself? You're living vicariously through my bitchery? I'm going to truly genuinely revel in pissing at least 4 of you off to the point of unfriending? Generally I am like, 95% nicer than I was in high school. Did you know? I'm guessing not. Surprise!