Have you ever shaken all the sand out of a sand dollar?
No, you haven't, because sand dollars are black holes containing all the sand on all the beaches in the world.
I am taking a break from shaking sand out of a sand dollar. I'm not kidding, entire minutes. Okay maybe it was only two minutes at most but that is a LONG time to be shaking sand out of a sand dollar. It isn't even a particularly large sand dollar which could accommodate all the sand on all the beaches in the world.
But of course the sand dollar's size doesn't matter, since black holes are black holes.
This post brought to you by my super terrible head cold and after only 6 1/2 days at my new job I forgot what it was like to be a stay at home mom with the kids climbing all over me and talking and talking and talking and laughing hysterically but it's not at all funny but I actually don't know for sure because I wasn't really listening to what you were saying and that is terrible but have you heard yourself lately? You're like RAINBOWS UNICORNS STRAWBERRIES I AM GOING TO BE A UNICORN RIDER WHEN I GROW UP AND I AM GOING TO VISIT BUBBLE CITY TOMORROW BECAUSE MOLLY IS MY BEST FRIEND BUT I HOPE MR GROUPER DOESN'T CHANGE COLOR BECAUSE THAT MAKES BASHY CRY BECAUSE HE'S ONLY A BABY AND HE DOESN'T KNOW IT'S JUST A SHOW SO CAN WE VISIT BUBBLE CITY TOMORROW HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THE PIGEON'S ON MOLLY'S HEAD LOOK AT THE PIGEON IT'S ON MOLLY'S HEAD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MOMMOM WATCH ME JUMP OFF THIS PILE OF COUCH CUSHIONS MOMMOM WATCH ME MOMMOM WATCH ME I AM THE BEST JUMPER IN THE WORLD WHOA THAT WAS A LITTLE SCARY BUT I'M OK I KNOW YOU SAID DON'T DO THAT BUT I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT NO I DON'T NEED A NAP I NEED TO JUMP SOME MORE CAN YOU DRAW ME A PICTURE OF A WHITE UNICORN WITH RAINBOW HAIR AND RAINBOW TAIL NO MAKE IT LOOK DIFFERENT NO YOU HAVE TO DO IT THIS WAY NO YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG NO I DON'T NEED A NAP I'M NOT TIRED NO I CAN'T CLEAN UP CLEANING MAKES ME TIRED I'M TOO TIRED TO CLEAN UP NO I'M NOT TIRED FOR A NAP I'M JUST TOO TIRED TO CLEAN UP CAN I HAVE SOME CANDY BUT I DON'T WANT TO EAT DINNER I JUST WANT CANDY BUT DINNER IS BORING
I mean really.
I will only Rubyblog a few more times. It's exhausting typing. I'm sure it's exhausting reading. It's super exhausting keeping that kid alive. She is quite possibly the smartest funniest girl ever but I'm tired. Then there's koala barnacle baby. 2 more days then I get to go back to work. Terrible.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Trying this hat on again
This blog used to be such a part of me. I don't know why or how I started using Facebook as my blog. I'm coming back here. For Bri. And me. And you. But not all of you.
Some of you don't understand, won't understand, shouldn't understand. I'm imagining you sitting wherever you sit, reading this and thinking, 'wow, I missed Denese's amusing spot-on observations that I could have cobbled together on my own but she just gets me because she's special and we love each other.' Or maybe you're thinking 'god why can't this bitch shut up already, not funny at all.' I have been doing it wrong for awhile so here I am trying to make it right.
Everyone uses Facebook for different things such as not much actually, super awesome funny stuff, pictures of themselves and nothing else, fucking disgusting bigotry, or mean stupidity. You've all seen the incendiary shit I put on there because yeah, I think I'm right about everything but I would never say that to your face. I'm trying to help you! Breastfeed your babies! Realize the racism around you! Maybe you can't change it! Even if you try! But knowing about it is the first step! In my white college educated middle class privileged world anyway! Know more about the rate of embassy attacks during Bush's and Obama's presidencies! Replace your carpets with hardwood or tile floors because INFECTIOUS GERMS! The truth will set you free! And I'm going to take ALL the credit for your newfound knowledge! Properly crediting my source of course but that is MY source and not yours. Get your own. But you can only get it from me.
I don't know how often I'll be able to continue inspiring you all, especially since Sebastian is doing this thing where he wakes up between 1 & 2 a.m. then won't go back to sleep for about 2 hours. I should be napping with him now. I'm insane. He's insane. Who does that. Yells at me because he's tired. Falls asleep for a split second then starts yelling again. OR or he thinks putting his fingers up my nose is SUPER awesome good idea in the middle of the night. Just, you know, plug that hole because duh. THEN he tries to put that same finger in my mouth. THEN he gets mad because I do not allow that. And I personally sacrifice a lot in the name of peace but that is one battle he is going to continue to lose. I'm so glad you're with me on that. Thanks for the support.
Also Ruby is like TALK TALK TALK NOISE NOISE NOISE ANNOYING ANNOYING ANNOYING MESS MESS MESS CRY CRY CRY TALK TALK TALK and there is not enough coffee in this world. Or maybe I should funnel her spirit into baristry. Baristism? Baristocracy? I want my daughter to learn how to operate the coffeemaker is what I'm saying.
And then my darling husband wants to buy me a house. Which is nice but you guys. Houses can be so dumb. And expensive. And moldy. But we're doing it and we're doing it together and I'm going to paint all the walls different shades of gray but he'll probably think they're actually shades of blue and then we'll get into heated discussions like "this is green" "no this is blue" "no not blue, green" "are you insane" "yes, completely" "cool me too" "that's cool but this is green" 'I don't even know who you are anymore" and it's going to be so good.
What would you of my upcoming-10-year-reunion-classmates do if I said "okay we could go to Geno's for this much, Fultano's for this much, or Supper Club for this much, these are the things included, and if you don't vote then give me your share of the cost by the end of the week, you're uninvited?" Because I'm starting to feel that kind of bratty dictatorship. Really trying hard to balance everything (in my entire life), be fair to everyone, give everyone time to consider and say what you think, I mean how many times have I said "I'll do it but you have to tell me to do it" and you're all "..." but nice time is almost over. I think not-nice me is what you all want anyway? Possibly? Because we all must remember where we came from? History repeats itself? You're living vicariously through my bitchery? I'm going to truly genuinely revel in pissing at least 4 of you off to the point of unfriending? Generally I am like, 95% nicer than I was in high school. Did you know? I'm guessing not. Surprise!
Some of you don't understand, won't understand, shouldn't understand. I'm imagining you sitting wherever you sit, reading this and thinking, 'wow, I missed Denese's amusing spot-on observations that I could have cobbled together on my own but she just gets me because she's special and we love each other.' Or maybe you're thinking 'god why can't this bitch shut up already, not funny at all.' I have been doing it wrong for awhile so here I am trying to make it right.
Everyone uses Facebook for different things such as not much actually, super awesome funny stuff, pictures of themselves and nothing else, fucking disgusting bigotry, or mean stupidity. You've all seen the incendiary shit I put on there because yeah, I think I'm right about everything but I would never say that to your face. I'm trying to help you! Breastfeed your babies! Realize the racism around you! Maybe you can't change it! Even if you try! But knowing about it is the first step! In my white college educated middle class privileged world anyway! Know more about the rate of embassy attacks during Bush's and Obama's presidencies! Replace your carpets with hardwood or tile floors because INFECTIOUS GERMS! The truth will set you free! And I'm going to take ALL the credit for your newfound knowledge! Properly crediting my source of course but that is MY source and not yours. Get your own. But you can only get it from me.
I don't know how often I'll be able to continue inspiring you all, especially since Sebastian is doing this thing where he wakes up between 1 & 2 a.m. then won't go back to sleep for about 2 hours. I should be napping with him now. I'm insane. He's insane. Who does that. Yells at me because he's tired. Falls asleep for a split second then starts yelling again. OR or he thinks putting his fingers up my nose is SUPER awesome good idea in the middle of the night. Just, you know, plug that hole because duh. THEN he tries to put that same finger in my mouth. THEN he gets mad because I do not allow that. And I personally sacrifice a lot in the name of peace but that is one battle he is going to continue to lose. I'm so glad you're with me on that. Thanks for the support.
Also Ruby is like TALK TALK TALK NOISE NOISE NOISE ANNOYING ANNOYING ANNOYING MESS MESS MESS CRY CRY CRY TALK TALK TALK and there is not enough coffee in this world. Or maybe I should funnel her spirit into baristry. Baristism? Baristocracy? I want my daughter to learn how to operate the coffeemaker is what I'm saying.
And then my darling husband wants to buy me a house. Which is nice but you guys. Houses can be so dumb. And expensive. And moldy. But we're doing it and we're doing it together and I'm going to paint all the walls different shades of gray but he'll probably think they're actually shades of blue and then we'll get into heated discussions like "this is green" "no this is blue" "no not blue, green" "are you insane" "yes, completely" "cool me too" "that's cool but this is green" 'I don't even know who you are anymore" and it's going to be so good.
What would you of my upcoming-10-year-reunion-classmates do if I said "okay we could go to Geno's for this much, Fultano's for this much, or Supper Club for this much, these are the things included, and if you don't vote then give me your share of the cost by the end of the week, you're uninvited?" Because I'm starting to feel that kind of bratty dictatorship. Really trying hard to balance everything (in my entire life), be fair to everyone, give everyone time to consider and say what you think, I mean how many times have I said "I'll do it but you have to tell me to do it" and you're all "..." but nice time is almost over. I think not-nice me is what you all want anyway? Possibly? Because we all must remember where we came from? History repeats itself? You're living vicariously through my bitchery? I'm going to truly genuinely revel in pissing at least 4 of you off to the point of unfriending? Generally I am like, 95% nicer than I was in high school. Did you know? I'm guessing not. Surprise!
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